The new year is a time for resolutions, which usually means setting goals that look forward. And while setting goals is a simple enough idea, simple does not necessarily mean easy.
Goal-setting is an internal negotiation we have with ourselves about what is most important to us and where we want to focus our attention. And it can be quite difficult for a lot of us to consider these deeper questions and to map out how to reach our targets in a practical way. My four-step process is designed to help you set goals more effectively so you can set up your year for success.
Allow 3 Guides to Lead You
Intention, curiosity, and connection are central to setting meaningful goals and charting a path for reaching them. They can serve as guides along the way as you process what you want to achieve and how to attain it.
Intention is reaching into yourself to understand what it is you desire and why, and to discern which desires positively serve you and are worth pursuing. Intention can help cut through a lot of noise. Curiosity is being willing to continuously ask the questions that help get you where you want to go. Curiosity is not just about the external world but about yourself, too—who you want to become and what your values are. Connection is recognizing the people impacting and impacted by your goals and considering how you can apply what is most important to them to what is most important to you.
These three guides can accompany us as we set our goals, which entails taking four key steps.
My 4 Steps to Success
- Think about what is most important to you in this period of life.
Every negotiation, even our internal negotiations, should start with an assessment of what you most want to accomplish, both now and in the future. Consider your values and motivations. Determine whether what you want to achieve is for yourself or if you are being unduly influenced by external pressures. What are your intentions for your future? It can be great to consider these questions with a therapist, a coach, or a loved one who knows you well.
- Talk yourself into seeing the reality of your goal.
Succeeding in a negotiation usually involves “seeing” yourself engaged in it and attaining your objective. This kind of envisioning can be powerful.
If you are to achieve success, you have to believe that you have the power to do so and you have to believe that you deserve to reach your goals. It is easy to see all the things you can’t achieve, but it is difficult to see all the things you can. Find time to calm yourself and mentally walk through what it would look like to practically work toward your goal and the reality of reaching it. This is shifting your intentionality into vision and turning your self-talk into a coach who believes in you instead of a challenger who does not.
- Research how you can best accomplish your goal.
The best negotiations require gathering facts to reach an end goal successfully. Once you have determined what you want to accomplish and can see yourself doing so, tap into your curiosity to research the “how.” The more specific you can get, the better.
For example, if your goal is to get healthier, you need to find the metric that will most impact that goal. Ask your doctor or a nutritionist for one change they believe could best help you achieve that goal. We assume that the answer is obvious when often things are more nuanced.
If you want to lose weight you may assume that the best route is to cut calories. But your weight struggle may actually be tied to a sleep health deficiency or a lack of physical activity. Your goal might be to get 7 to 8 hours of good sleep every night. Or, you may need to be more realistic with yourself and say 7 to 8 hours of good sleep 5 nights a week. In any case, being curious and asking questions will help you figure out how to best reach your aims.
- Lean on your people.
Negotiations are all about people—both you and others. When you’re asking yourself what’s most important to you and how you can best achieve it, also consider your web of human connection. Think about who in your life might impact or be impacted by your goals. Who is available to help make the challenge easier? What might motivate them to support you in your process?
For instance, if your goal is to improve the relationships in your life, start with curiosity: ask the people involved for their input. Humans all have the same needs, but people have different wants. Some people want to see you or hear your voice more often; others appreciate more frequent texts or voice messages. Some people want hugs or physical touch; others appreciate the occasional small gifts. Relationships are about focusing your attention on the wants of others.
As we head into the new year, keep in mind that resolutions are about progress not perfection. We may stumble along the way, but we can move forward and achieve more when we have assessed our goals, see ourselves accomplishing them, have a well-thought-out plan, and lean on the people around us to help get us to the finish line.